The One Where I Wonder About How to Get in the Zone

04/27/2006 7:47 AM – 8:09 AM

It’s odd that I can remember the fact of the times when I can get into no-mindedness, but I can’t capture the essence of it. I didn’t sit well today. I couldn’t calm my mind. My focus constantly drifted. What is it that I’m doing? What is it to do whatever it is right?

This is easier. In this, all that I must do is grab and type. The sentence can fragment. The train of thought can drift. I can jump from one stray idea to the next. And, when I do this, I do forget. I just type the words. But that quality of stillness eludes me. Not always. Sometimes I can jump right in and the things flow from quiet epiphany to quiet epiphany. Not today, though. Today is just practicing. I may not have sat well, but I sat. I may not have quieted my mind but I quieted my body. Well, mostly. I really don’t know how to get into the zone. I don’t really know how to jump from turning over every little thing to sitting still with one quiet thing. And stillness is what I’m shooting for. I’ve picked up that metaphor that stillness is the language of God. I don’t know its factual veracity, but I like how it feels.

Even when I get “really Zen” doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom, I’m running on two tracks: monkey mind and the action itself. This is not “really Zen.” To be “really Zen” is to be wholly in the action. To feel the internal sensations of muscles working and the external sensations of the skin, and that is all. All thought is directed to cleaning. It’s true that I do lose track of myself, but it’s because I zone out not because I’m in the zone. What’s the difference? The difference is one of focus, which eludes me lately. I can remember that day a few months ago when I walked to the park and back again, most of the time fully focused on the moment. I have no idea how I did it. I can remember walking into the Wilson Farms on the way back and finding that sudden explosion of bright color absolutely amazing. All those yellows. So many shades of yellow. Now my eyes scan it and see “nope, don’t want it” or “yep, want it” or “meh, indifferent to it.” How do I get back there? Without the assistance of substances, I mean. I don’t know. I think that I can. I think that I will. But I don’t know how to go about it. I’ll say this, though. I’m not too terribly worried. I can fall asleep at night. Well, most of the time. I plum forgot that today was Thursday. I went to sleep early (damn it, Lost, a recap show is NOT a NEW episode!), and then I woke up early and didn’t realize that it was my late day until after sitting. So I guess that means I’ll try sitting again. Hmm. Well. You’re in good humor, and that’s a pretty damn good thing. So get to it.