Which is More Wrestling

04/15/2006 1:10 PM – 1:38 PM

Where are you now? Who are you now? This slides forth and constructs nothing but dreams that will never breathe. You cannot recommend your faith. It is too harsh and stupid. No sensible person should believe anything about it. It’s better to remain silent on the matter. Rather like God.

Why then do you believe? Because you cannot do otherwise. If someone asks you what they should believe, tell them to read the Epicureans or Marcus Aurelius. Their views are much more sensible and justifiable. Why then can’t you say this for yourself? But you don’t know. The most likely candidate for your belief is the constant imposing of the Christian perspective during your childhood. So you should laugh at it. Put away childish things when you become a man (using Paul against Paul). But you can’t do it, can you? Behind everything, you are that disgusting thing – a Believer. Believers fly planes into buildings. Believers burn people at the stake. Believers call your father “faggot” and say that he burns eternally in hell. This is the camp that you find yourself in.

Let it go then. Spit on your belief. Kick your Christ until his face resembles rotting hamburger. But your religion has stolen the best bits from the older and more tolerant (better) religions. Your Savior is a phoenix, rising again, every time you’re sure you’ve trampled out every last weed of this abominable faith. Every time you destroy him, he rises again; more resplendent, beautiful, loving and kind than he was the last time you killed him. How do you flee this beast? How do you escape this horror? You cannot. Find yourself tightly in his grasp and give up. You are captured. Let go. Sink down by the bubbling brook. But this is your stubborn and stupid faith. This belief is your own burden. And you, being you, will get up and fight it again, as soon as you are strong enough to stand. So be it, Spike. So be it. Your zazen has been shit lately, too. You are distracted and squirmy when you sit. So what advice do I have for you? What comfort? Being exhausted, you rest, and, resting, you feel pretty fucking good. Your war with God is pointless. Let it the fuck go. You’re never getting away from Him. Close your eyes and breathe. You’re here. Your Greatest Enemy is your Only Comfort. So be it. I’m laughing at us, Spike. Just let it go. You can’t stop loving Him. You will always fall on this Rock, because this Rock will always fall on you. And so it goes, and so it goes, and so it goes. Turn your eyes away from me, for they have overcome me. My God, it’s such a beautiful day. You can smell lilacs in the breeze.