Which Is Advice To Lose Yourself In Being Yourself
04/20/2006 9:43 AM – 10:10 AM
An abiding faith. For all that I bitch about my fundamentalist upbringing, there is that one thing that they gave me. Their methods were crude and cruel, but they are just men, struggling to teach the children in their care to love God. And I do. Of course, only Johnny would be able to remind me of that. So thank you, Johnny. I remembered today. They prepared me for my own path by teaching me to respect the quiet when it came. So, thank you, my imperfect teachers, for teaching me to know the viscosity of quiet.
- and I know a man (whether in the body or apart from the body, I do not know, but God knows) who was caught up to paradise – where the quiet comes from - the body or apart from the body, I do not know – but I know it is there and it abides beneath all things. The wind that does not move but moves all things to rest. And so we lay down arms, and rest. The quiet envelops all. We cannot know all things, but all things are a part of the quiet, when the quiet comes. There is only a moment. This moment. In this moment, which is all moments, the cool shadows of the dawn alight and we find refuge for all moments.
What is there, Spike? What is it that so terrifies you? I tell you to let it go. I tell you to submerge yourself in the quiet. But what good will it do you if you can’t find a way in? I don’t know. I just want to tell you that it’s happened before and it’s happening now. It will happen again. Come back to the cushion, it is your place before the Mercy Seat. Remember? Remember how it feels to lose yourself? In story, in study, in drawing, in an excellent joke? Was my good sit a product of the nice weather? Was it this crappy New Age music that, God bless you, you’re actually listening to? We can hope it wasn’t the last, because your whole street cred would be gone then. That was a joke. The better kind that shows you what you don’t have to carry. Your greatest weaknesses are your greatest strengths. Fuck the rules of a sensible existance. Existance is not sensible. Be fucking Zen. That dog barking outside sounds exactly like a turkey. Somewhere, not far from you, people that have been married a long time and love each other for real, are have the sex. See. This is just this. Let it go. Forget your reputation (you don’t really have one). Forget your fear of death (you have no proven data on what death will bring). If you are not afraid of men or death, what is left for you to fear? Only your own fear of fear. It goes away, you know. Fear slides out of your mind after a while, if you let it go. Hold fast to peace. Hold fast to the quiet. That is enough. You are just human, and the quiet is enough.
posted by Spike at 7:15 AM
1 Comments:
Believe it or not, I know exactly what you are talking about in regards to trying to find the quiet calm or peace. Sure our problems may be different and our external influences are not the same, but deep down we all (at least I hope) want that peace within ourselves that sustains us through our struggles.
You are well aware that the generic resolution to this is to just "let go". If only it were that easy. No matter how much you try to let go the demons will not let you go. Some have been with you a long time and have molded the person you are today, for better or worse. Those you will never be able to forget, so the only options left are to struggle with them or to accept them as part of you. If you learn to accept that they are part of you then you will likely be much better off. When these thoughts enter your mind and try to haunt you all you have to say “yes I recognize this thought and feeling, and I accept it for what it is”, and then just move on. That’s all you can do.
The external problems in life (e.g. money, work) are the easy issues to resolve (although they sure don’t feel that way sometimes). These you really are changeable in life. Maybe not right now, but someday. Sure you may be poor for longer that you would like, but deep down you always have the ability to do what you have to do to get by. If we are able to let go of our ego and sense of entitlement then we will truly be able to survive in any circumstance. This has helped me greatly in coming to my own sense of peace about my station in life. These problems are not going to kill us, they are just going to make life a little less cushy or convenient than we might like. And that I can accept.
Spike, you and I are similar in that it doesn’t take much to make us happy externally in life. A beer, a cigar, and a good movie go a long way with us. As long as we can be happy within these means, does it really matter that we haven’t reached the point in life where we thought we would be by now. One day we will get our chance, and we will seize it. You know why? Because our struggles have allowed us to build significant character and a greater appreciation for the things we do have in life. So if one day we do get the chance to improve our station in life and meet our dreams, then we will seize this opportunity like Stevo on an Asian chick.
Will we get this opportunity at some point in life? Nothing is guaranteed, but that is where faith in self comes in. You have a faith in a God, an undying faith that has been with you forever. If you can take this same faith and apply it to yourself, then there is no way you will ever fail if given an opportunity. You will succeed. You understand what it is to truly believe in something. Be happy with that, it is a great gift.
My faith is not like your faith, in that mine is much more generic and engineered, and requires a constant upkeep through positive reinforcement. I envy your brand of faith, but I can accept mine as well. That’s all I can do.
Keep the faith.
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