On Not-Understanding

04/17/2006 7:49 AM - 8:16 AM

A man could go his whole life and learn to grasp the state of peace in all times and all situations, but if he did so, he would forgo enlightenment. Enlightenment is not just peace, it is also not-peace. But what good does not-peace do you?

The desire for peace is a desire. The desire to be good is a desire, and if there is any desire there will also be a counter-desire. Wherever there is hope, it will be deferred, and the heart will become sick. What then do we strive for? If enlightenment is just ordinary mind enlightened, what’s the point? How do you extinguish desire if the desire to extinguish desire must itself be extinguished? Always strive to remove dust from the surface of the mirror. There is no mirror, so why try to keep dust off it? What is the state that I should be striving for? What is enlightenment?

Now, the kingdom of heaven, that’s an easy one. The kingdom of heaven is like unto a pearl, that upon finding it, we sell all to buy, leaving ourselves without food or shelter, starving in the woods. Whoopidy yay. And I have no idea what the kingdom of heaven is like. And I have no idea what enlightenment is like. The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by force. Blessed are those who suffer for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Wonderful. That clears everything up. Now I know how to live. Now I know what to strive for. Mr. Id is so much happier than I, because Mr. Id does not perceive conflict in his contradictory assertions. It’s also because he’s just a cartoon that I draw. I cannot draw my own life. I cannot pare existence down to its bare essentials, because all of existence is essential. And, oddly, Spike, you’re writing this without worry. Somehow, you are at peace. Zen is sitting, but Zen is also motorcycle maintenance, archery, writing, sex. Any action can have that adjective attached. But it will not be Zen. Do not confuse the finger pointing toward the moon for the moon itself. Bullocks. There is no moon. There is only a finger pointing. I have no idea what I’m talking about, and yet, right now. I’m at peace. At this moment. This very moment. Ah, well… eat, drink, make dirt, pass water, work, sleep. I have no idea how to do it right, but I’m doing it right now.