Which Is An Odd But Potentially Useful Metaphor For Zazen

02/25/2006 9:50 AM - 10:39 AM

Imagine if you can, a second self, hovering just a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of an inch above behind you and a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second behind you. He is not you. He is the Buda you. When you die, you will go to heaven or hell or paradise or purgatory or non-existence. He will not. He doesn’t exist. He never existed. He’s a figment of your imagination. When you die, he will never have been. He does not care. He merely observes. He merely notices. He has no fear or desire. Nether does he have joy or compassion.

For seconds, a very few, very brief seconds, you can be him. Don’t worry, he’s fake. He isn’t real. He’s a character that you put on. Something that you pretend to be. He has no worries and no loves. He isn’t real and he doesn’t mind it. Now - inside your skull is a tiny cockpit with a steering wheel, gas pedal and brake. You are driving it right now. The real you. The one that matters. The one that will die. The one that is reading this. But, if you can, climb out of the driver’s seat and let the fake drive, let the Buddha drive. Only for a few seconds. Now, mind you, he doesn’t care about anything, so he tends to drive badly, actually, he doesn’t really drive at all. The care tends to drift and then stop altogether. It’s best to be sitting for this. Somewhere where you won’t fall over. The thing is, the real you, the one that’s reading this gets bored really, really easy. There are ten thousand, ten thousand things to do, to see, to taste, to touch, to feel. The real you is an odd, funny little monkey, climbing endlessly, searching endlessly, desiring endlessly. That’s fine. That’s just the way things are in reality. The monkey you doesn’t really mind not being in control of the body, doesn’t really mind being in control of the mind. It just wants to enjoy pleasure and avoid pain. Real you, monkey you, is a fine chap, excellently adapted for his environment. Buddha you is not. Buddha you doesn’t give a damn about anything. To be fair, he doesn’t not-give-a damn either.

Real you, monkey you is curious. He wouldn’t mind seeing what happens when fake you takes over. Hell, he wouldn’t even mind trying to sit for a time doing nothing. Even doing nothing is doing. Besides, while it might not be experiencing pleasure, he isn’t experiencing pain. So, what the hell? He’ll give it a try. Thing is, it’s damn boring. If you slow down and have to stare at the back of your eyelids without falling asleep, those little glowy things can put on a damn fine show. But fake you is supposed to be driving and if fake you is driving, then you’re not supposed to care about the nifty light show. Whoop. Sorry. Let fake you take the wheel again. You can occupy yourself with your breath if you like. Count the inhalations and exhalations: 1-10. Whoa! There goes a siren down the street. Wonder what happened? Is somebody dying? Are they afraid? That’s an important question. What is it like to be afraid of dead and be that close to it? What does happen when we die? Will I… oh, fuck. One. Two. Three. Four. How much time do I have left of just sitting here? Am I sitting right? Can I breath fully? Maybe I should scoot my butt a little further forward… Fuck. What am I on now? Nine. Oh, nine. Nine, then. Okay. Ten. One. Two. Three. Should I start just counting my exhalations now? Am I at that stage? Maybe I should wait until I get to ten again to start that. Yah. That’s what I’ll do. Fuck. Eight. Nine. Ten. Don’t count it, don’t count it. Okay, started exhaling: one. Two. Three. Four. Five. IlikebigbuttsandIcannotlieyouotherbrotherscan’tdeny… fuck. Where the hell did that come from? Nope, nope, nope. Back to it. What am I on, now? Eight. Eiiiiiiiiiiiight. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Teeeeeeeeeeeeen. Oooooooooooooone. Twooooooooooooooo. DINGDONG! Oh, crap. There’s the bell. It’s been twenty-five minutes already? Deep breath. Open eyes slowly. Finish to the ten count. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Mad Monkey Mind – back on top. All things considered, that was a pretty good sit.