In Which I Wonder About the Ghost and Then Forget It, Because the Water Was Warm

02/23/2006 9:34 AM - 10:00 AM

If one does learn to see past the surface to the sandy bottom, why swim? If one learns to be content in all things, then why strive to do anything? Why did the Bodhidarma come to the east? Perhaps it is in seeing our limits that we find that which should be done inside them. We do exist as two creatures – ghost and machine. But what is ghost and what machine?

In Zen, the mind too is part of the machine. Where then does the ghost reside? If the ghost does not see, hear, taste, smell, touch or think, what is it? Perhaps that is the falsehood of duality; perhaps there is no ghost, no machine. But where does that leave us? We are here looking, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching, thinking. If the revelation doesn’t do anything for us, then it’s a lousy revelation. But that has been my harping for years. What good is faith if it doesn’t give comfort? What good is comfort if it’s covering the eyes and ears and saying, “I believe, I believe, I believe”? Someday, something bigger may come along and rip off the covers. Then where will you be?

The ashtray is fuller, the sun is bright, the streets are wet. I’m listening to Finzi’s “Intimations of Immortality” and finding comfort in it. For now, I’ll let go of the questions. I will be and the being will be good. The intents of God are subtle in his creation, but good. Ask me where the fingerprints of God are and I can only smile and shrug. The whirls of galaxies are just there. They are proof of nothing. We push meaning unto them. I will learn these words. I will learn this heart, and somehow, God help me, I will find my way to the hermitage. Would that I could have this comfort all the time instead of just on a chance morning. I will walk to the place where I will walk. I hope that place is a cabin in the woods. I hope that I can plant a garden and harvest wood from the forest. I hope that quiet surrounds and laps against my legs like small waves in a small pond. God, I wish that I could feel God all the time. I wish that I knew the magic spell that bound him always to me. But I will take today. I will take now. I will take this. And if it goes, I will long for its return. But for today, I will swim in the water. The water is warm today. It’s just that the water is warm, today.