The One Where I Wonder About the Validity of Dreaming of Living in the Woods That Has A Picture of Me Dressed Up Where I Look Kind of Bald

02/20/2006 11:58 AM – 12:19 PM

When last we met, our fair hero was engaged in a battle to the bitter end. We wake up and walk. What is the difference between distraction and learning? Is there one thing better than another for the one that’s here on the ground? Where are we going? What is this little bit? Annoyance with the sun for shining to brightly while the wind blows cold.

While waiting for the spring, one must find enjoyment it the cold, salted streets of late winter. When did I start dreaming of the cabin again? Should I? I suppose I must. That is who I am now. Has all this time just been to prove to me that I should be where I want to be? What would I do when I got to the cabin? Sleep. Wake early. Write. Make things with wood. Eat. Walk a long, long time in the woods. Even on too cold, too bright days like today. It is only to sleep, to reset and start again. You’ve got to learn to be in the cabin long before you get to the cabin. You’ve got to learn peace in the city before you can fall into peace in the woods. If it’s there, you can find a way. The dream does not need be futile. Work towards even as you find contentment in not having what you dream.

After a few weeks of transition, one gets used to the not working. After a few weeks, one can get used to the working. The body moves. It must. The body strives. It must. The desire that must be fought is the desire for the unnecessary. No, not fought. That is the old way. The desire must be faced, analyzed and forgotten. This is the way of the living. Is the desire for the cabin an unnecessary desire? A bird can learn to be happy in a cage, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t take the chance to fly back to the trees when it gets the chance. The elephant, when left chained to a strong post, will, after a time, not fight when the breakable rope is substituted for the chain. There is learning to be content with what is solid-state now, but striving always for that better that is possible. Perhaps that is what fantasy’s use is. It is wrongly used to distract. It is for play and learning the larger game from the rules. There are dreams of the possible and dreams of the impossible. Strive for the possible dreams when the return again and again. One learns who one is in them. Yes. There are some things worth fighting for. Even the long slow fight of war, counting each step with wounds. Ha. What matter wounds? So on to it. On to the dreaming of the possible. But no chickening out on the hard work of it. Reality exists without your permission, but you can still carve an aspect of the fucking thing into something pleasing. Boogedy-bee.