On Embracing Our Dual Nature

02/15/2006 5:11AM-5:32AM

There is something in a wall that does not love a wall. There is a corollary that I’m looking for, something that gives reason for action, something difficult/easy, something Zen. Perhaps this: you cannot deny the presence of the moment. It is a solid state. The past is gone, the future is unfixed, there is only this, this, this. But there is that which cannot be denied, the past was, the future will be, this is gone, gone, gone.

Why compassion? Why compassion even for self? If the solid world, ruled by Newton and Einstein is illusory, why care about it? Why take notice of it? Why did I have to get up off my ass and look for a second job in order to feel better? Why is it simplicity and not nothing? Why the middle way? Because the body and spirit are one. Though one lessens one’s dependence on the desires of the flesh, the flesh remains. The flesh is good; it is the searching to satisfy the desires of the flesh that are endless. Desires are good it is being ruled by them that leads to suffering.

Being lost in the moment when inhalation turns to exhalation is to be lost in a true thing. All of existence is a collection of such moments. To deny the past or the future is to lie. I dreamed that the Blond loved me last night. Compassion, not passion. There was something perfect in that. The sheet has come down, the voice has said, “take and eat.” All is made righteous. All is made holy. This very fuck is holy. Do not dwell on sin, that is the old way. The old way didn’t work. The curtain is torn; the holy has embraced creation once again. I believe, Lord, help my unbelief. Pick it up and start again. Sin is squandering this chance for perceiving the rejoicing of this very moment. Sin is non- compassionate response to the joy of the moment. Perhaps that is the moment. Perhaps that is the truth. Doesn’t matter. Neglecting the mind leads to bad zazen. Neglecting the zazen leads to impotence in the face of naked joy. Nice rack. It’s all holy. Pick it up and move on again.