The One Where I Felt Pretty Good and Typed Before I Sat

02/18/2006 10:32 AM – 10:52 AM

Trying something new, typing before zazen. Zazen has this way of making everything seem the same “silence.” There is just as much to see on a blank page as there is on a written page. Which is excellent, unless you want to type something that is a story with plot and intricacies. So. Let’s see how this goes. No lyricisms perhaps. Perhaps so.

If I had a roshi, this would be a good question to ask. But Buddha didn’t have a roshi, just a tree and time to sit. Do I want to achieve enlightenment? I got into this for the purpose of ending personal suffering. I got into this for the practice of focusing. What is it that I’m questioning about my zazen? The Buddha left is family and kingdom to go off into the woods of the aesthetics to learn a way past suffering. There are no woods for aesthetics anymore. Perhaps it’s better this way. One must carry the burden of the weight of existing and solve the dilemma of the suffering inherent in the weight he carries. Still, I’m looking forward to a good sit today. Two hours from now.

So. There it is. Here we are. I’m just typing. Looking around, not seeing the Buddha nature of everything. Or maybe I am. I’m not depressed or in terror of death today. It’s a beautiful day out on Elmwood strip. Woke up to heavy, woodland snow falling. The snow stopped about an hour ago and the sun came out. The snow lying over everything hasn’t yet worn down to dirt. Sunday morning winter scene. Even if it is a Saturday. I’m listening to a Django Reinhardt CD that I got out of the library. He’s as good as Woody Allen said. There is something beautiful about those old recording, their fuzzy uncrisp playback. Recording it to digital almost emphasizes it. Somehow the fuzziness makes it seem more real. But this is just this and that. I’m alright and looking forward to hammering on a plot for a couple of hours. Somehow, writing fiction must be able to mesh with hard zazen. Somehow, fantasy improves us. Daydreams make us better. I don’t quite get how this works with the Zen dictum to embrace reality. I suppose fantasy is a part of the reality of being human. But part of zazen is loosing ties to the illusions of humanity. It’s coming down to the rocks and bones of being a creature of six senses. Somehow, it all works. This’ll do for today. Maybe I’ll do work now. Boogady-boogy.