It's My Monday
2/16/2010 9:17 AM – 9:39 AM
It’s snowing and it’s my Monday. I failed miserably at keeping to my new weekend schedule. I’ll try something else. Switch the lifting days to Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. When March comes, I’ll try to add running. I didn’t sit today. I overslept. I didn’t call my mother. I didn’t clean.
But if there’s anything to learn from sitting that applies to everyday life, it’s that, know what you should be doing and finding yourself not doing it, you simply return to what you were doing without expending to much energy on self-recriminations. Self-recrimination is simply another way of not doing the thing that you are supposed to be doing. Every day. For the rest of your life. That writer that started running when he was 33 and is still running almost 30 years later, he probably failed, at first. And maybe this is what the Jesus Year is supposed to mean for those of us that aren’t God incarnate. We have figured out what we’re supposed to be doing and the rest of our lives is trying, every day, to do it.
Sit, write, exercise, work, study, read, socialize – that’s what I’ve got for a daily plan so far. As I was falling asleep last night, I was thinking about the things that I don’t have that I could have. House, wife, real job, truck – these things, I want but don’t have. Is it in the waiting and doing? Or is it in the doing more? I don’t know yet. I just know that if I want at the end of the day to feel as if I haven’t wasted the day, I have a certain bare minimum of requirements that need to be done. And yet I so rarely get them done. And yet I’ve known that I need to do them for a long time. A few are new. New in the sense that I didn’t figure them out until at least two years ago. Here I am, wrestling with the questions of being, not really fully being. But how many are aware of being? Is there any need for it? It doesn’t necessarily help in finding out how to live. I’ve come to doubt much of psychology – it’s too much a smart atheist’s religion. But how many philosophers had fathers die when they were young? But that’s a cartoon. Good for a giggle, hard to draw meaning from. So after this, editing. And then lifting. And then work. No wife yet. No house. No truck. No real job. But hope that this all adds up to something.
It’s snowing and it’s my Monday. I failed miserably at keeping to my new weekend schedule. I’ll try something else. Switch the lifting days to Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. When March comes, I’ll try to add running. I didn’t sit today. I overslept. I didn’t call my mother. I didn’t clean.
But if there’s anything to learn from sitting that applies to everyday life, it’s that, know what you should be doing and finding yourself not doing it, you simply return to what you were doing without expending to much energy on self-recriminations. Self-recrimination is simply another way of not doing the thing that you are supposed to be doing. Every day. For the rest of your life. That writer that started running when he was 33 and is still running almost 30 years later, he probably failed, at first. And maybe this is what the Jesus Year is supposed to mean for those of us that aren’t God incarnate. We have figured out what we’re supposed to be doing and the rest of our lives is trying, every day, to do it.
Sit, write, exercise, work, study, read, socialize – that’s what I’ve got for a daily plan so far. As I was falling asleep last night, I was thinking about the things that I don’t have that I could have. House, wife, real job, truck – these things, I want but don’t have. Is it in the waiting and doing? Or is it in the doing more? I don’t know yet. I just know that if I want at the end of the day to feel as if I haven’t wasted the day, I have a certain bare minimum of requirements that need to be done. And yet I so rarely get them done. And yet I’ve known that I need to do them for a long time. A few are new. New in the sense that I didn’t figure them out until at least two years ago. Here I am, wrestling with the questions of being, not really fully being. But how many are aware of being? Is there any need for it? It doesn’t necessarily help in finding out how to live. I’ve come to doubt much of psychology – it’s too much a smart atheist’s religion. But how many philosophers had fathers die when they were young? But that’s a cartoon. Good for a giggle, hard to draw meaning from. So after this, editing. And then lifting. And then work. No wife yet. No house. No truck. No real job. But hope that this all adds up to something.
posted by Spike at 6:43 AM
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