Farm the New Land
2/20/2010 8:54 AM – 9:14 AM
To be able to look at ones actions without judgment and act. Maybe that’s what sitting is about. I don’t know. It’s my Friday. I sat. For some reason, the last couple of minutes went well. To be able to look, and with reason decide the best possible course based on the data available and then do it. That would be good.
The last three days were jarring session of daunting emotions. Wednesday was the day of wrath, I spent nine hours angry. Thursday, I was peppy and upbeat. Yesterday, I was sad. The sadness eventually went away, around six or seven, but still, that was seven or eight hours of being sad. Oddly, it felt comfortable. Or, not oddly at all, it felt comfortable. Sadness was the dominant emotion of my twenties. So far, fear has been the dominant emotion of my thirties. I hope to God that it isn’t for the next seven years. That would make for a miserable decade. Youth is wasted on the young, they say. I can see what they mean, but I don’t think you can truly know what youth is until it goes away. I’m still young, I guess. But I’m not twenty.
And what’s today going to be? It will probably be good. It’s my Friday. I’ll lift today. I’ll have poppy seed tea. All of these things are good indicators that my inclination will be to be in a pleasant mood. I guess that I’ll need to start running next week. I don’t want to try to go through those Wednesday and Fridays without that little extra kick that exercise gives. It will suck. It doesn’t really work the first few times. But I’m in upstate NY. The gray lasts a long, long time. If I enjoyed the gray when I was a kid, there has to be a way for me to learn to enjoy it now. Even when I do give up smoking, there should be a way for me to like it outside on a cold overcast day. Running puts you out there. It lets you be there in the air beneath the sky. Even in February, there is something to see. Sometimes, I do wish I could hibernate the gray January through April, but those are living too. I believe in God, somehow, at the moment. Where that came from, I don’t know. Feels good, Man. Far above, beyond the trees across the street, two birds flew by. When the settlers arrived, they had to have so much more than the needed. The first few years, they had to learn to farm the new land.
To be able to look at ones actions without judgment and act. Maybe that’s what sitting is about. I don’t know. It’s my Friday. I sat. For some reason, the last couple of minutes went well. To be able to look, and with reason decide the best possible course based on the data available and then do it. That would be good.
The last three days were jarring session of daunting emotions. Wednesday was the day of wrath, I spent nine hours angry. Thursday, I was peppy and upbeat. Yesterday, I was sad. The sadness eventually went away, around six or seven, but still, that was seven or eight hours of being sad. Oddly, it felt comfortable. Or, not oddly at all, it felt comfortable. Sadness was the dominant emotion of my twenties. So far, fear has been the dominant emotion of my thirties. I hope to God that it isn’t for the next seven years. That would make for a miserable decade. Youth is wasted on the young, they say. I can see what they mean, but I don’t think you can truly know what youth is until it goes away. I’m still young, I guess. But I’m not twenty.
And what’s today going to be? It will probably be good. It’s my Friday. I’ll lift today. I’ll have poppy seed tea. All of these things are good indicators that my inclination will be to be in a pleasant mood. I guess that I’ll need to start running next week. I don’t want to try to go through those Wednesday and Fridays without that little extra kick that exercise gives. It will suck. It doesn’t really work the first few times. But I’m in upstate NY. The gray lasts a long, long time. If I enjoyed the gray when I was a kid, there has to be a way for me to learn to enjoy it now. Even when I do give up smoking, there should be a way for me to like it outside on a cold overcast day. Running puts you out there. It lets you be there in the air beneath the sky. Even in February, there is something to see. Sometimes, I do wish I could hibernate the gray January through April, but those are living too. I believe in God, somehow, at the moment. Where that came from, I don’t know. Feels good, Man. Far above, beyond the trees across the street, two birds flew by. When the settlers arrived, they had to have so much more than the needed. The first few years, they had to learn to farm the new land.
posted by Spike at 6:15 AM
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