On A Sunday

01/06/2008 9:24 AM – 9:53 AM

And here then, we are where we set out to be. Odd. I didn’t think that this is where I intended. But here I am and I was moving with intent. The gray skies and leafless trees remind me of Addison which becomes more symbol and clump in the gut than actual place. I have no doubt that if I were flying over it in a helicopter at the height of summer the place would look made in dreams or Photoshop.

Perhaps now I can write for its own sake, but, no, there is too much laziness in me for that. I can write to note that I was here at this place at this time, to prove that I was indeed alive and not a phantom conjured by my mind to give my life a sense of continuity. And so, dear Spike, on this date, at this time, you were indeed alive in Buffalo, NY under gray but not particularly morose skies. You woke up and read in your couch for an hour, considered going to church but didn’t, sat in your chair at your desk, decided that opera best suited your mood and then typed, distracted occasionally by the neon colors that the runners wore.

You thought a bit about death, but it didn’t really bother you, nor surprisingly, did it particularly weary you. It sat in your mind like a smooth pebble on a beach, one amongst many. Your thoughts are mostly of what you will do in the spring, when the lease is up and its time to move. There is a chance you’ll actually have enough saved up to go somewhere else. Mum’s vote is to move out of the city but stay in the area at your job. She has a point. Ben’s vote I’m not quite sure on, but he thinks you should at least hike the FLT. You probably should. But for how long, I’m not sure. And where, oh Spike, do you think you should go? Well, dear Spike, I’m sure I don’t know. I have had enough of city life to inform me for a long while yet, but country jobs are few and far between. It is a question with a slight tension but no real worry as yet. Perhaps there is enough tension for you to actually save money, but not enough to get worried and spend money on beautifully transient and unhealthy thing so as to forget that you’re worried. That would be nice. Somehow, one must find that place between fear and laziness where satisfaction resides. To be Falstaff but with whit to change course if the course needs changing. My. That was a pretty girl that ran by. I must get one of them someday. That then will be a thing to reside within for a summer or two. On with it then, thou dirty old man, there are books to be writ and houses to build and hours and hours of fine idleness to be thoroughly savored and forgot.