On Quitting, Unfortunately

12/17/2006 10:12 AM – 10:36 AM

And so it has been 32 hours since I had a smoke and it’s pissing me off that I’m actually writing about it. Ah, well, better this than not stopping. What I didn’t realize 32 hours ago that I do now is the frequency that my mind add the phrase, “and smoke” to the end of any plan of action. And it’s an amazingly happy little thought.

You think, “hmm, after this bit where I get in the car and close the door, I’ll sit down [sudden odd infusion of subtle joy] …and smoke!” This is the worst part of quitting so far. Well, I slept like poo (caffeinated poo) last night, but it’s not like I haven’t had that problem for the last fourteen years. Even longer than smoking. Quitting smoking is like having some reliable old friend die. Hey, I’ll call up Ciggy and we’ll go down to the… oh… wait. Whoops. Ciggy’s dead. Guess I won’t be calling him. Poop. Do I even what to go down to the place now?…

Smoking is more than a little nicotine infusion, it’s a little joy infusion. I wish I didn’t have to quit. Why then, oh Spike, are you quitting? Several factors and I will work hard on listing them so’s when I come back to read this, I’ll remember. 1) It’s simply in the right time – I didn’t plan on being a regular smoker past the age of 31, I knew that sometime between 26 and 32, I was going to quit. I’m quitting at 30. 2) I was getting tired of it. For the last few months, I’ve consistently had the feeling of, “Shit! I wish I didn’t smoke!” when I had to go outside in the cold, when I spent my last five on a pouch of Drum. I never used to have that consistently. In fact, I rather liked those little badges of hardship that marked me as a smoker. I enjoy distaining the “healthy.” But smoking has become mostly annoying. Mocking the boring normals is only fun when you enjoy what distances you from them. 3) Phlegm. That’s been the thing that’s been bugging me for the last three or four years. Used to be that my colds would just be a little worse or last a little longer than most peoples, but for the last 3 or 4 years, I’ve had a constant “cold.” And it’s friking annoying. I have to use this deep throat-clearing technique that sounds like I’m constantly trying to summon this German demon named Hurixtcalk 4) Really more of an offspring of three but of such importance that I’ve decided to give it its own. I can’t smell the wind. It’s true. The wind is the best smelling thing ever and, for the last three or four years, the only experience that I’ve had of smelling it is when I’ve stuck my head out of the window of a fast moving car, forcing the air up my permanently clogged nostrils. So. That’s it for now. I’ll keep you updated, and then, hopefully, I won’t have to. I still reserve the right to mock you loser non-smokers.