The One With the Keys
08/19/06 7:05 PM – 7:33 PM
So they asked me. They asked me, “Jeez, Pauly, don’t ya give a damn?” And I didn’t have answer, this answered for me: twelve steps down from the Colonel’s porch, one of the flagstones is loose. If you pick it up, you’ll find a key. You take the key to the shack in the woods on the east side of town.
You can smell the marsh water there. Filtered through a mile of pine tree needles. The wildflowers –I don’t know their names – grow in the field to the left like great big puddles of yellow blood. The sun’s blood, I suppose. You take the key and you go inside the shack. You don’t use it on the front door. The front door isn’t locked. You take the key inside the shack and find the thing that looks like something that was taken out of the insides of a skyscraper. It was. You find that thing and you reach around behind it. You won’t be able to move it. It took eight strong men and a mule to put it in that shack.
Reach around behind it and you’ll feel a little hole. Put the key from the Colonel’s walkway in the hole. Turn it. You might have to jiggle it a little. The rust builds up even on as fine a piece of engineering as that thing that came out of the inside of a skyscraper. I don’t remember which way you have to turn it. You might have to try both. You’re not looking to unlock anything. Underneath the hole is another hole, but it will only open if you turn the key. Turn the key until something falls out of the other hole. It will look like a key with a very long neck. It is. The key that you got from the Colonel’s will stay in that hole in the piece of the inside of a skyscraper until you put the long key back in the hole it fell out of. When you put it back in, put it back in nose first. But you’re not going to put it back for a while. Take the long key. You’re going to need a boat of some kind, now. A small one like a rowboat or a canoe, but nothing like a kayak, you’ll need something you can move around in. Take your boat down to the pond in the middle of town. From the boat launch that’s next to the fountain, you need to paddle north, out towards the marshes. There’s probably a better way to get there, but I don't know it. What we’re doing is not apathy. Apathy implies that you don’t care. We care. That’s what makes us good at it.
So they asked me. They asked me, “Jeez, Pauly, don’t ya give a damn?” And I didn’t have answer, this answered for me: twelve steps down from the Colonel’s porch, one of the flagstones is loose. If you pick it up, you’ll find a key. You take the key to the shack in the woods on the east side of town.
You can smell the marsh water there. Filtered through a mile of pine tree needles. The wildflowers –I don’t know their names – grow in the field to the left like great big puddles of yellow blood. The sun’s blood, I suppose. You take the key and you go inside the shack. You don’t use it on the front door. The front door isn’t locked. You take the key inside the shack and find the thing that looks like something that was taken out of the insides of a skyscraper. It was. You find that thing and you reach around behind it. You won’t be able to move it. It took eight strong men and a mule to put it in that shack.
Reach around behind it and you’ll feel a little hole. Put the key from the Colonel’s walkway in the hole. Turn it. You might have to jiggle it a little. The rust builds up even on as fine a piece of engineering as that thing that came out of the inside of a skyscraper. I don’t remember which way you have to turn it. You might have to try both. You’re not looking to unlock anything. Underneath the hole is another hole, but it will only open if you turn the key. Turn the key until something falls out of the other hole. It will look like a key with a very long neck. It is. The key that you got from the Colonel’s will stay in that hole in the piece of the inside of a skyscraper until you put the long key back in the hole it fell out of. When you put it back in, put it back in nose first. But you’re not going to put it back for a while. Take the long key. You’re going to need a boat of some kind, now. A small one like a rowboat or a canoe, but nothing like a kayak, you’ll need something you can move around in. Take your boat down to the pond in the middle of town. From the boat launch that’s next to the fountain, you need to paddle north, out towards the marshes. There’s probably a better way to get there, but I don't know it. What we’re doing is not apathy. Apathy implies that you don’t care. We care. That’s what makes us good at it.
posted by Spike at 4:37 PM
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