On A Throne At Cair Paravel

07/10/2006 7:48 AM – 8:09 AM

And so you don’t feel like sitting still. And so you want something more. Like anything, it will pass. Let go. Be here. Be alive in your life. None of this matters. Nothing matters except the fact that you do exist at right this moment and can’t know. It’s raining today. Is it raining where you are? Are you waiting for that kiss of peace from the rain clouds?

You think that if you were left alone to do whatever it would be that you’d do when you were finally left alone, you’d be more real, more safe, more strong? Maybe. But you’d still be the mind that gets sad in the body that will die. You’re not dead and you’re not in pain. No one is threatening you. Except the universe. And it will always threaten. It will also always caress. It will also never care. You can’t escape the scary facts of existence, so look at them and forget them. That’s how anyone does it. Wake up from your bad dreams and look out the window at the trees and leaves and water, water, water.

Lift up your chin, oh son of Adam. So what? You are a pirate bastard and still there is a throne for you at Cair Paravel. It’s in the trails the raindrops leave on your dirty window. It’s in the squelching sound that the feet makes on the wet pavement. It’s in the sent of water on the wind. If you can’t find them there, you won’t find them anywhere except the manic state that precedes the drop into the fearful fixation. What are you becoming, oh son of man? You are whatever you were when you were four, when you were six, when you were sixteen, when you’re seventy-eight. So let the terrible things go and look into the perfect things that are right now. There’s only this and this is more than enough. One second, two seconds, three seconds. Each passes and there is a new one waiting a few ahead. Can you earn more time? No? Then each is a gift of providence. Be thankful and let go of the “but something better.” Try again to save your money. Try again to be happy with this part of your life. Try again to be kind. Try again to be a good man. All there is is try. The do or do not are only done or not done. Wake up. Wake up and open your eyes. See and accept that this is enough.