The One With the McBLT Box

06/09/2006 6:53 AM – 7:22 AM

I wasn’t late (well, like three minutes) and the morning glories have sprouted. There is a difference in thinking and writing the instants. A work of art is not the thing you’ve planned, but the thing as it is finished. The glorious thing in your mind is not the work; it is just a tool of the work, like the ink or the camera. Time and chance also. So let it go and watch to see what the actual is.

When I was a child, I thought as a child, I understood as a child. When I became a man, I put away childish things. Unless you become as a child, you cannot even see the Kingdom of heaven. Paul vs. Jesus – it’s the classic modern Christian rumble. Of course, you can relieve the tension by asserting that the two speak different words for different instances. And that’ll work fine in the day-by-day, but when it’s time to create, let the opposition roll through the rounds. Flicker down the days in the darkened theatre. It’s just this. Again. But without the implication of ending or starting. Set the opposites together in your mouth, keep the cold cold and the hot hot. Like a McBLT box.

Did the remembering of death terrify you again last night? Good, now let it go and be right here where you are. This is where you are. Will you manage to write something? Will you eat and shower? Are you there yet? Then do this. This thing that you’re doing right now. Master, set my mind at peace. Bring your mind to me and I will set it at peace. I cannot find my mind to bring it. Then the work is done. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? What was your face before your grandparents were born? Just let it the fuck go. There’s a cup of coffee right there on the desk. There’s food in the fridge. The toilet is working and you’ve got toilet paper. You’ve got a little money in the bank. You’ve got a job. You’ve got a bed. You’ve got a roof over your head. Be thankful, you silly schmuck, and get on with this strange thing of being alive. What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more. Wake up from your nightmares of fame and fortune and be this thing that you are. Save your money. Don’t save your money – doesn’t really matter. But save your money.